December 28, 2016 at 3:35 pm #72044Dr. Margo TurnerMember
Amy Morin’s “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take back your power, embrace change, face your fears, and train your brain for happiness and success” was 1 of my 2016 reads worth passing along to the brain-based learning and teaching tribe.
December 28, 2016 at 7:34 pm #72063Lisa BakerMember
Great recommendation Margo! I found this printable on her website: http://www.amymorinlcsw.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/13-Things-Mentally-Strong-People-Dont-Do-by-Amy-Morin.pdf. It is a nice visual (mind-map style!) for the 13 strengths outlined in the book. I also found this summary for those like me that want a quick review before reading the book for a more in-depth understanding. (http://amymorinlcsw.com/mentally-strong-people/ )
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
They accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
They don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
They don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
I wonder why Amy Morin phrased things with the negative “Don’t” instead of phrasing thing in a more positive light?
January 5, 2017 at 9:53 am #72606Dr. Margo TurnerMember
I thought the same thing Lisa, but while reading it I was maybe more aware of how I do these things and want to stop…I was reminded about the book How Full Is Your Bucket?Positive Strategies for Work and Life by Tom Rath & Donald Clifton – since you like summaries, here is the speed summary from http://www.summary.com/book-reviews/_/How-Full-Is-Your-Bucket/. (FYI – Tom Rath is the StrengthsFinder guy).
Donald Clifton, cited by the American Psychological Association as the grandfather of Positive Psychology, once discovered that our lives are shaped by our interactions with others. A long conversation with a friend or a short interaction with a stranger both make a difference, sometimes positive, sometimes negative. Although these interactions might seem to be ineffectual, Clifton believed that they accumulate and profoundly affect our lives. Before his death from cancer in September 2003, he and his grandson, Tom Rath, wrote How Full Is Your Bucket? to help people focus on the positive in their lives.
Clifton had a theory he created in the 1960s that was based on a simple metaphor of a “dipper” and a “bucket.” According to this theory, each of us has an invisible bucket. The authors write, “It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.”
Positive and Negative Emotions
Clifton’s theory says that each of us has an invisible dipper that we can either use to fill other people’s buckets with positive emotions by saying or doing things that increase their positive emotions, or dipping from others’ buckets by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions. The theory also explains that when we fill others’ buckets, we also fill our own, and likewise, when we dip from others’ buckets, we diminish ourselves. A full bucket gives us a positive outlook and an empty bucket poisons our outlook. We make the choice every moment of every day whether we fill one another’s buckets, or dip from them. These choices profoundly affect our relationships, productivity, health and happiness, the authors write.
I also use the children’s picture book version in my classes. How Full Is Your Bucket? For Kids ( 2009)
by Tom Rath (Author), Mary Reckmeyer (Author), Maurie J. Manning (Illustrator).
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