I just finished reading Dawn Maslar’s Men Chase Women Choose which is her bestseller book on the neuroscience of love. This researched based book takes the reader along the varied (varied between the sexes) neural pathways describing what’s going on biologically when a person first notices another person, then gets attracted, falls in love, commits, really falls in love, and finally enters into deep, rich, mature love.
The value for me in reading this book is as a post test to a 42+ year relationship that ended with the death of my wife on July 4, 2016. Maslar guided me through the research that I felt familiar with due to the years of training, reading, and studying with Eric Jensen. I now know scientifically why Anne was so sure of her love for me and I wasn’t, why we broke up several times, how commitment takes place and on to the deepest of human love.
The research the book is based on is detailed many times with Maslar recounting the exact experiments that were conducted to study the ebb and flow of the neurotransmitters in the brain and the key parts of the brain that guide our developing and maturing love for another person.
In her book I personally found love, peace, joy, forgiveness, challenge and hope.
I believe the value of this book goes beyond the personal brain based learning and edification that can be found in her work. We can better understand our children and grandchildren, guiding them through what is at times a craziness. More so, we work with teachers and students who are experiencing elements of the love dance and we can help them with the ecstasy, disappointments, breakups, mistakes, and deep joy that awaits them along the journey.
Gee, I wish I had read this book 40 years ago! Of course, the question is, would I have gotten the message back then? Nevertheless, I am the richer for having read this book as I affirm the love I have experienced and known deeply, all the while holding in tension the love that lies ahead.